COUPLES THERAPY IN NYC, NY & NEW JERSEY
Couples Therapy for Relationships Stuck in the Same Painful Patterns
You may be capable, thoughtful, and able to navigate complex problems in almost every other area of life—yet find yourselves having the same argument, shutting down, growing more distant, or wondering why your relationship has become so difficult.
I help couples throughout New York and New Jersey understand the deeper patterns keeping them stuck, so they can move beyond blame and defensiveness toward greater understanding, connection, and partnership.
WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP BECOMES THE HARD PART
You can love each other and still feel completely stuck.
Maybe your arguments escalate quickly, and before long you're no longer talking about the thing that started them. One of you pushes harder to be heard while the other becomes defensive, shuts down, or pulls away.
Or perhaps the conflict isn't the biggest problem anymore. You've become good at managing work, children, schedules, finances, and everything else life requires—but somewhere along the way, you've stopped feeling like partners.
For many of the couples I work with, this is particularly frustrating. You're thoughtful people. You're accustomed to solving difficult problems. You may understand exactly what isn't working and still find yourselves repeating it.
The problem isn't necessarily that you don't know how to communicate. Often, something deeper is happening between you.
RECURRING CONFLICT
The same arguments without resolution
COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWNS
Pursuing, withdrawing, blaming or shutting down
EMOTIONAL DISTANCE
Feeling more like roommates than partners
LIFE TRANSITIONS
Parenthood, careers, relocation and changing roles
When Attention and Communication Patterns Affect Your Relationship
Sometimes differences in attention, organization, or emotional regulation can add another layer of misunderstanding. In some relationships, ADHD—whether diagnosed or simply suspected—may play a role in recurring frustrations. Understanding these differences can help couples move away from blame and toward more productive ways of relating.
BENEATH THE ARGUMENT
The argument is often about more than what you’re arguing about.
Couples often come to therapy focused on the subject of their disagreements—money, parenting, sex, household responsibilities, family, work, or how much time they spend together.
Those issues matter. But over time, the way you respond to each other can become more painful than the original problem.
One partner may become critical, angry, or push harder in an attempt to feel heard. The other may become defensive, withdraw, or shut down. Underneath those reactions are often more vulnerable experiences—feeling unimportant, rejected, alone, controlled, inadequate, or afraid that the relationship is slipping away.
The more each person tries to protect themselves, the more they can unintentionally reinforce exactly what the other person fears.
Couples therapy creates space to slow this cycle down, understand what is happening beneath it, and begin responding to one another differently.
HOW WE WORK TOGETHER
Insight matters. But the relationship also has to change.
Understanding why a pattern developed can be incredibly valuable. But insight alone doesn't always change what happens when you're hurt, angry, scared, or disconnected from your partner.
In our work, we'll pay attention to both—the deeper experiences shaping your relationship and what actually happens between you in the moments when things go wrong.
SLOW DOWN THE CYCLE
We'll identify the pattern that takes over when conflict begins—what each of you does, what happens next, and how the cycle keeps reinforcing itself.
UNDERSTAND WHAT'S UNDERNEATH
We'll look beyond anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal to understand the more vulnerable feelings, needs, and fears driving those reactions.
PRACTICE SOMETHING DIFFERENT
Therapy becomes a place to communicate differently in real time—expressing what is harder to say, hearing one another differently, repairing conflict, and creating new ways of responding.
The goal isn't a relationship without conflict. It's a relationship in which conflict no longer has to pull you apart.
AN INTEGRATED APPROACH
Different relationships need different kinds of help.
No single therapy model explains everything that happens in a relationship. I draw from several evidence-based and depth-oriented approaches, depending on what a couple needs and what is keeping them stuck.
Together, these approaches allow us to work with the emotional bond between you, the patterns playing out in real time, the individual histories each of you brings into the relationship, and the practical skills needed to create lasting change.
EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPY (EFT)
Helps us understand the emotional cycle between you and strengthen safety, responsiveness, and connection.
PSYCHODYNAMIC & PSYCHOANALYTIC PERSPECTIVES
Helps us understand how earlier relationships, experiences, defenses, and expectations can shape what happens with your partner today.
THE GOTTMAN METHOD - LEVEL 2
Provides research-based tools for managing conflict, strengthening friendship and intimacy, and repairing after difficult interactions.
SYSTEMS & TRAUMA-INFORMED WORK
Considers the larger relational system around you and how past experiences may influence the ways each of you protects yourselves, responds to stress, and experiences closeness.
COUPLES I WORK WELL WITH
I work especially well with couples who want to understand—not just manage—what keeps happening between them.
Couples don't need to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. Some come in because conflict has become exhausting. Others are functioning well on the surface but feel increasingly disconnected underneath it.
✓ Keep getting pulled into the same conflicts, even when both of you genuinely want things to be different.
✓ Feel more distant than you used to, or have begun functioning more like teammates, roommates, or co-parents than partners.
✓ Want to understand the deeper pattern, rather than simply learn a few communication techniques.
✓ Are navigating a significant transition such as marriage, parenthood, career changes, relocation, or shifting family roles.
✓ Are willing to look at your own part of the cycle, while also wanting your experience to be understood by your partner.
✓ Value thoughtful, engaged therapy that combines emotional depth with practical change.
ONLINE COUPLES THERAPY
Couples therapy that fits into the life you already have.
I provide online couples therapy throughout New York and New Jersey, including New York City and Jersey City.
For couples balancing demanding careers, parenting, travel, or simply two complicated schedules, meeting online can make it easier to protect consistent time for your relationship.
Sessions are still active and relational. We aren't simply talking about what happened during the week. We'll slow down the interactions that create disconnection, work with what happens between you in real time, and practice new ways of responding to one another.
And because therapy is online, you can meet together from home without adding another commute to an already full week.
NEW YORK CITY
Online couples therapy throughout NYC
NEW YORK
Online therapy for couples throughout New York State
NEW JERSEY
Online couples therapy throughout New Jersey, including Jersey City
GETTING STARTED
What to expect when you begin couples therapy.
HOW LONG ARE SESSIONS?
Couples sessions are 50 minutes and are held online. Depending on what we're working on, we can discuss whether a different session length would be helpful.
DO WE BOTH ATTEND THE CONSULTATION?
Ideally, yes. The free 15-minute phone consultation gives both of you a chance to briefly share what is bringing you to therapy, ask questions, and get a sense of whether working together feels like a good fit.
DO YOU ACCEPT INSURANCE?
I am an out-of-network provider and do not bill insurance directly. If your plan includes out-of-network mental health benefits, I can provide a superbill for you to submit for possible reimbursement.
WHERE CAN WE BE LOCATED FOR ONLINE THERAPY?
I work with couples throughout New York and New Jersey, including New York City and Jersey City. Because therapy is online, you can meet from a private location that works for both of you.
READY TO BEGIN?
You don’t have to keep having the same conversation.
If you’re ready to understand what keeps happening between you—and begin changing it—I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to talk briefly about what’s bringing you to therapy and whether working together feels like a good fit.